Me and My Shadow

I ran 7 miles yesterday with Billy.  It was the perfect day for it.  The day was just beautiful!  We ran from Lifesprings to the Wellness Park, around the small loop a couple times, and then back.  On our way to the Wellness Park, the sun was at our back, so our shadow was in front of us.  For about 3 miles, I had to watch my shadow as I ran!  Surprisingly, and not in a vain way at all, I wanted to tell you that I did not hate it!  Coming from someone who has spent most of their life feeling inferior and insignificant, mostly because of my weight, this is a HUGE statement! 

That's what running has done for me.  Sure, I have lost weight and toned up, but running has done much more than that for me.  Running, through helping me grow closer to God, has helped me to accept who I am, what I look like, and be happy with that.  I have never met any woman, regardless of their weight, shape, or size that could not tell you at least one thing they were unhappy with about their body.  Every woman has something they would change about their appearance if they could....
 Psalm 45 is one of my favorites to tell young girls.  It is written as a wedding song.  I thought this morning as I watched Bennett in church, that one day all too soon, my baby will be gone.  Right now, as she grows and learns, she is my shadow (although she does not always do what I tell her to)....and the way I feel about myself and all the things I do, are teaching her something about how she will feel about herself.  We all want our children to grow up and be confident adults.  This is becoming more and more difficult, especially with girls.  Society, the media and the clothing industry are giving them the wrong impression of what makes them beautiful!  What makes a girl beautiful is how they feel about themselves and how they view God as their Creator! 

Psalm 45:10-12, 14-15
"Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.  Forget your people and your family far away.  For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.  The bride, a princess, looks glorious in her golden gown.  In her beautiful robes, she is led to the king, accompanied by her bridesmaids.  What a joyful and enthusiastic procession as they enter the king's palace."

One day, my Bennett will be grown up and we will be planning her wedding, every little girl's fantasty.  I tell these young girls at church this all the time and just recently had the privilege of watching this realization change one young woman's life....before any of us can be happy with any man, we must first know the One who created us.  We must first be in love with the King of Kings and He must be THE priority of our life.  It is only then that we can fully love another and it is only then that we will see ourselves through His eyes, as the woman He created us to be and be happy with that! 

Right now, as Bennett is my little shadow, I pray that I can teach her that.  I pray that my life and my adoration of God will be a lesson to her.  I pray also that she will watch, as I daily learn to love myself as the woman God created me to be, and watch as I in turn pour that love out on all those around me, including her Daddy.  God has blessed me with a man that I could spend hours and hours telling you about.  He has loved me through all kinds of things.  But, I admit that I have not always been confident enough to fully love him back.  It has always been difficult for me to believe that anyone, especially such a wonderful someone as my husband would really be able to love me.  God has been gracious to me and so has my husband, thankfully!

During children's time this morning at church, Bennett was sitting in front of the church.  She was wearing a dress and I was scared that she might not sit with her legs closed and that her dress would ride up.  Just then, as I sat there wishing I could remind her to sit like a lady, she pulled her dress over her knees and put her knees together.  Even if for just that one moment, I felt like maybe she has listened to at least some of what I say.  Mostly I realized that she "listens" more to what I do than what I say!  If I respect my body and respect myself, so will she.  So, dear Lord, I pray that my life and the things I do will teach Bennett to love God with all her heart, mind, and soul!  I pray that she will love herself and will grow into a confident young woman full of the promises God has for her life!  I pray that she will chase after the one thing that matters, and that is a relationship with You, my Lord!!!  I thank you for grace and mercy you show us mothers each and every day.  I thank you for giving me forgiving kids, that love me even though I screw up often!  Help me, Lord to get the things that count most right! I love you!  In Jesus' name, Amen!

1 Peter 3:3-5
"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.  This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful.  They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands."

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Manning Up on Manley Street

Yesterday's run was in Carnesville, GA.  I do not usually run there, but from my observation, there are not too many stroller safe places to run.  I usually run the parking lot of the Rocky Ford Rec Center, but for this run, I decided to be adventurous.  I left Carnesville Elementary and headed up Rocky Ford Road (the hills almost kill me every time), then took a left onto Roebuck Road.  The plan was to turn back at the end of Roebuck and do it all over a few more times, but I just kept going, despite what my mama would say about me pushing the double stroller on the highway.  The short period of time that I was on Highway 145, making my way to Stone Bridge Road, I was hoping that noone I knew would see me and tell my mama.  I ran that part really fast.  I could just hear my mama yelling at me....and anyone who knows MawMaw can just hear it now....

 

After last summer's near death experience with the angriest dog in Franklin County, I usually carry pepper spray, and a BIG stick!  About a mile into the run, I realized I forgot my pepper spray.  I made the choice to keep going.  I turned onto Stone Bridge Road, eyes and ears open for ferocious dogs.  At the beginning of Old Busha Road, I heard a large dog barking in the distance, but thankfully it was chained up.  With each house that I approached, I tried to determine the likelihood of whether or not that house looked like a "killer dog house" or not...  I am not even sure what qualifies a house as a "killer dog house" but still this replayed in my mind with each house I came to. 

 

As I approached Manley Street (which I had to consult a map to find the name of because I never knew), I wondered if my sister remembered the time when I ran over a cat on that road when I was high school.  I was going faster than I should have been, with my sister in the car (don't tell my mama, please).  I ran over the cat, then when I looked back in the rear view mirror, the cat was laying there in the middle of the road, staring at me.  Only it was most definitely dead.  It was somewhat traumatizing.  I remember feeling very sad about my lack of responsiblity and about making my sister sad.  I can't remember if my little brother was in the car or not....

 

So, as I turned left onto Manley Street, a dog immediately ran out and started barking.  Once you have faced a near death experience by a dog, the sound of barking strikes a spine tingling, stop dead in your tracks kind of fear in you.  I stopped, grabbed my stick and began to assess whether or not this dog posed a real threat or not.  This whole run, I had been working out my dog attack plan of action in my mind.  Obviously, my first priority would be to protect the kids, so I figured I would push them off the road into some bushes (I thought the bushes would protect them).  With the stoller to my back, I would heroicly fight off the vicious dog (s) by whatever means were necessary. 

 

So, here I was, faced with a decision.  I actually started backing up with the intent to just turn around and head back.  Honestly, the thought of pushing the stroller back up all those hills helped me make my decision to continue.  I decided to "man" up on "Man"ley Street (I get my sense of humor from my Daddy).  And, the dog was not really that vicious and it actually never even came near me.  I continued on, and just past that house, was the most beautifully quiet stretch of road with towering trees on either side, gorgeous pasture land with unsuspecting cows lazing and grazing.  It was so nice that I had to stop for reflection and to take a picture. 

 

  This was the kind of scene that makes you glad to live out here, in the country.  This was the kind of scene that shows you the goodness of the God who created it.  This was the kind of scene that reminds me of why I love to run, for the love of the road, for how it makes me feel strong, for how it gives me one on one (plus 2 kids) time with God, for how it clears my head and shows me what is truly important in life, for how it shows me that we live not for the here and now, but for life in eternity with the One who created all things. 

 

I ran slowly through this stretch of landscape, revelling in my quiet thoughts of peace and hope and joy, and of promises answered.  Upon further reflection, I saw how the fear that almost overtook me and made me turn back, would have caused me to miss this!  I saw that just on the other side of a dog that at first seemed more vicious than he really was the blessing of God's reminder that He is always near me.  I know we should always use common sense when it comes to danger (I can hear my mama saying "God gave you common sense to use, Chan") , but in this particular instance, my blessing was waiting on the other side of my fear!  Never mind that immediately, and I mean IMMEDIATELY after this stretch of road, Merritt decided to poke holes in the weather cover of the stoller and basically ruin it.....  But, you know what, that did not take away from the beauty of a moment spent with God that I very easily could have missed! 

 

This has prompted me to go back and read Joshua, to remind myself of how my fear and my discouragement can keep me from the greatest blessings and promises God has to offer! 

 

My advice to you comes to you courtesy of  Joshua 1:9 "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

The Missing Chacos

So, some of you know the love affair that I enjoy with my Chacos.  Yes, one might think, "but they're only sandals..."  Oh, my friend, if you only knew....  They are so much more than just sandals.  As a runner, my feet are very precious to me.  A runner's feet are also very succeptible to injury and pains of varying degrees.  My Chacos are the only sandals that I can count on to not cause me pain of any kind.  They are the only sandals that I can wear all day long and my legs nor my back will ever hurt.  Oh, my Chacos are very important to my overall well being!

The Youth of Royston First United Methodist Church have heard (maybe not listened to) full lessons taught on Chacos.  See, last summer, my favorite pair of Chacos broke right before we went on our summer mission trip!  I was devastated, but I was thankful that God allowed me to use that situation to hopefully, teach at least 1 or 2 youth members a lesson on falling apart, based on one of my very favorite scriptures from 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, "May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, put you together-spirit, soul, and body- and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ.  The One who called you is completely dependable.  If he said it, he'll do it!"  My shoes had fallen apart, and because Chacos come with a lifetime warranty, I was able to send them back for repair.  The theme for last year's mission trip was "Broken and Poured Out."  So, we talked alot about how we sometimes have to realize just how broken we are before we will allow God to put us back together and how He doesn't just throw the peices away.  He takes the broken pieces of our lives and fits them back together perfectly, like a puzzle that only He knows what the final picture will look like!!!  Broken vessels do not perform the task they were created to perform.  That is why, in order to fulfill God's purpose four lives, we must allow Him to put our pieces back together, to heal our brokenness.  So, as I awaited the repair of my Chacos, because they were broken and unable to perform the awsome task of supporting my feet, we reflected on all the areas in our lives where we need to allow God to have the broken pieces of our hearts, our souls and sometimes even our bodies, so He may put them back together, so they will perform the tasks He created them to perform! 

Imagine my surprise and my delight, when the next week, I received not just my repaired pair of Chacos, but a BRAND NEW PAIR!!!  Oh, NO, here it comes, another scripture lesson!  Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  WOW!!!  A pitcher is created with the purpose of holding and pouring water.  When broken, there are times when it can simply be repaired and will be able to then continue holding and pouring water.  But, there are times, when the pitcher might be so broken, that a simple repair will not do....  When we give God the shattered pieces of our lives, He creates us anew.  When we put our hope and our trust in Christ Jesus who gave His life for us, He creates us anew.  We are washed clean by the blood!  Praise God!!!  Only God knows what the completed masterpiece of our lives looks like.  He renews us from the inside out so we "can do the things he planned for us long ago." 

Onto the missing part...my Chacos have been missing for the last few days.  I had looked everywhere, or so I thought.  My mom looked at her house, my brother in law looked at his.  I had decided that I must have left them in the locker room at the gym.  Visions of some college student skipping out of the Fitness Center wearing my Chacos have consumed my mind (not that I think EC students are thieves...but, you know).  Honestly, and sadly enough, it required great focus on my part to listen to Sunday's sermon without thinking about where my Chacos might be.  In my defense, they are expensive sandals and the thought of dropping $100, which I do not have, on another pair, caused me to panic a little.  Now, yes, I know, there is an altogether more important lesson here on how I should not be so obsessed with material possessions and a whole host of other lessons on what I should allow my mind to be consumed with, but this story has a happy ending!!!

 

While cleaning our extra bathroom, for the first time in longer than I want the public to know, I found them in the bath tub!  Now, we do not use the bath tub in this bathroom, before you start to think we do not bathe ourselves or our children.  LilaBelle (third child syndrome-she gets blamed for everything) must have taken them from our bedroom and dropped them in the tub, where they were covered up by beach towels I had laid out to dry from the last time we went swimming at Emmanuel. 

This is the last scripture lesson, I promise, at least for this blog.  Jeremiah 29:13 says, "If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."  I am not promised that if I look for my Chacos "wholeheartedly", that I will find them.  But, Jeremiah offers us the promise that if we do indeed look for God "wholeheartedly", we will find him.  If my mind is continually consumed with thoughts of God, even during Sunday's sermon, that's OK!  Thank you Chacos (maybe I should write the company) for teaching me yet another AH-MAZING lesson about our AH-MAZING God!!!  And, thank you, God, from the bottom of my heart for your many promises.  Thank you for your Word and that we can count on you to never fail us or forsake us.  Thank you for the promise from 1 Thessalonians 5, "The One who called you is completely dependable.  If he said it, he'll do it!" 

"Dat's what Fenz for"

Earlier this week, Merritt, our 3 year old, said that to me.  "Dat's what fenz for, you know it?"  It was the cutest thing to hear coming from the absolute most precious curly blond haired little boy on Earth. 

This evening, while reflecting on the day's events....we ran a 5k race today, I thought about that statement.  Today, at the Habitat Hustle 5k in Watkinsville, I ran a PR for 3.1 miles of 28:33, breaking my last record of 29:45. It was awesome, amazing, overwhelming and exhausting all at the same time.  This race was tough, I'm not gonna lie.  It was rainy, wet and cold, and the course was a loop with 2 small loops around a parking lot (with a good hill in it) and then 2 larger loops (with another good hill in it).  I was running with my husband, Billy and my amazing best friend, Amanda Martin.  Boyd Guttery (my personal trainer), joined us at about mile 2, once he finished the race with a time of 17 minutes flat. 

Once Boyd joined us, he immediately set in with the usual coach talk, meant to encourage me and make me angry all at the same time.  I must admit, though, that looking back, I am absolutely astonished by how motivational his calm and strong voice is to me.  He kept saying things like, "You're strong, you've worked hard, you've put the time in" and "see that guy up there, he hasn't run 10 miles, you have, now take him, come on, push it."  And you know what, it worked!!! 

Having his voice in my ear, despite Amanda telling him to shut up....haha, did remind me just how hard I have worked over the past 6 months, in particular, just how strong I have become. I have become stronger by putting in the time out on the road, even in the cold and the rain, even on days when I would have rather slept in or when my knees were screaming at me to just stop.   That's what friends are for, right, to encourage us to be better, stonger versions of ourself that more accurately portray the image of Christ. 

With each step, with each run, with each PR, I am amazed at what my body can do.  My mind tells me to stop because it hurts; I'm out of breath, gasping for air, and yet my legs just keep going....carrying me closer to that finish line.  With each step, with each run, with each PR, Luke 1:37 becomes a reality, "for nothing is impossible with God."  Nothing can compare to the feeling of crossing the finish line and realizing a goal that you have worked so hard for.

I am thankful for friends that text me to ask what my time was....  I am thankful for friends that concern themselves with the things that are important to me and for family that never misses the opportunity to tell me they are proud of me for all that I've accomplished.  That's what friends are for. 

I am thankful for the opportunity to tell you that you too can accomplish whatever goal you have set for yourself.  Surround yourself with the right people.  Tell everyone you can what your goals are for accountability.  Set a goal, then work.  Don't be afraid to work hard!!!

Be careful what voice you listen to.  Will you listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you can't do it or will you listen to the one that tells you how strong you are, the one that reminds you of just how hard you've worked?  Will you listen to the voice that tells you to give up because it's too difficult or that it seems impossible or will you listen to the voice that tells you, "for nothing is impossible with God"? 

Good friends are hard to come by.  My good friends helped me realize another running goal today, and we had a great time doing it.  My good friends have encouraged me to be a better person, a better follower of Christ.  Dat's what fenz for, you know it?

 Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend."

High Heels and Sequins

There are some hurts, some feelings of inadequacy, anger, bitterness, that even a great pair of heels or shiny high heel boots cannot mask, that even a new, shiny Brooks Brothers handsewn sequin top cannot cover up.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought to put on the Crown Chasers Facebook page was something like this:  Ladies, get fixed up, put on your makeup, fix your hair really pretty and just feel great today. 

We were running late today for church, had an overall crummy morning and then as I sat alone (for what felt like the first time in months), it hit me!  How often do we do this?  How many women spend countless hours getting gussied up and spend obscene amounts of money to have the latest and greatest in fashion?  These things are fine, in fact, to celebrate my 50 pound weight loss, I got new heels, a celebration made even better by the fact that they were 75% off.  But, here's the point, those things can change how we look, maybe even how we feel momentarily.  They cannot change our heart.  They cannot forever hide how we truly feel about ourselves.  Those things cannot mask the betrayal of past lovers, the heartache over the loss of loved ones, the regret of past failures, the disappointments caused by the ones we love taking us for granted.  So often, we lie to ourselves that everything is OK.  We put on our mask, go out into the world and pretend that we're not falling apart because to admit that we are falling apart means that we are not in control.  The fact is, we never were in control to begin with.  God is in control and He is waiting for us to fall apart, just waiting for us to admit that we don't have it all figured out.  Once we do that, it invites Him in and only He, only God can put the pieces of our life back together.

One of my very favorite scriptures from 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 MSG offers this promise.
"May God Himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together-spirit, soul and body- and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ.  The One who called you is completely dependable.  If he said it, he'll do it!"

Chasing Crowns is not always pretty, no matter what we're wearing or what we look like.  Chasing crowns is not always high heels and sequins.  Pursuing our relationship with Christ most often, or at least at times, can be an ugly thing.  Before you disagree, let me explain....the closer I get to Christ, His light exposes everything ugly and dark in me.  Growing closer to Christ means that my jealousy, my anger, my hatred, will be exposed.  It is only then that Christ can continue His transformative work of making me more like him. 

Sometimes a crown chaser has to stop running, and be still long enough to reevaluate what it is they're chasing.  What am I running for?  What is it that I'm so desperately searching for?  If the answer is anything other than simply the truth of Christ, then all our efforts are in vain.  If the answer is anything other than to create for ourselves the same image Christ has for us, we are running in vain.

Just now, as Merritt was watching Spongebob, (I know, I know...)  I heard the line, "You can't hide what's inside."  That is absolutely true, we cannot hide what is truly inside us.  What's inside us comes out in how we treat other people.  If we have no respect for ourselves, we won't respect others.  If we are angry and bitter inside, then we treat others angrily and we hold grudges against even those we love. 

The image of little girls playing dress up, trying on their mom's high heels and make up comes to mind.  Only, we're not little girls anymore and the consequences of playing dress up are much higher.  Relationships are at stake, our children's well being is at stake, perhaps even our own sanity is at stake.  This next statement should be censored and is rated R, but trying to hide who we really are by how we dress, how much make up we wear, or even with  how much we work out, for some of us is like choosing to make love with the lights out.  We want to hide what we look like, who we truly are, like wearing a padded bra, or sucking our gut in when we take pictures.  For still others, trying to hide who we truly are and how we truly feel about ourselves results in them freely offering themselves ,especially sexually to someone other than their husband, to someone who is not worthy of being trusted with who they are.  What Christ really wants from us, what our spouses truly want from us is just us.....for us to be real and who we truly are.   But, that is often too difficult to believe or accept, that someone, anyone, even God would love us just for who we are.  Thankfully, there is hope for even the most broken. 

Ephesians 5:13-14
"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible-and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.  This is why it is said:  "Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."" 

Letting Christ shine on us might be painful for a while, but if we let Christ expose the ugliness in us, He will begin to pick the pieces up and put them back together, ultimately forming the image He has created us to portray.  We let God expose the ugly things in us; we apologize to the ones in the path of said ugliness. Then, guess what???  We become a light!!!  "Everything that is illuminated becomes a light."  Praise God!!!

I have friends who have seen the movie, Safe Haven, and loved it.  On the trailer, it says, "It's not what you're running from, it's what you're running to."  I agree with that statement.  What we're running from plays a great role in what or who we end up running to.  For me, I am running from past mistakes and countless failures.  I am running from the 230 pound woman who hid behind her weight in fear of actually being used by God .  I have always been afraid of so many things, afraid especially of being "exposed".  No more!  Running has helped me to freely  "expose" myself in some ways....to gain confidence in who I am in Christ.  Choosing to be made uncomfortable has helped me to know the love and acceptance of Christ in so many ways I never would have.  Being made uncomfortable keeps me humble. 

1 Corinthians 9:25
"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training.  They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."


Final thoughts:  Let us each and everyone, examine the crowns we are chasing.  Let us choose to let Christ "expose" us and make us a light to shine in dark places.  Let us not run for a crown that will not last, but for one that will last forever.  Let us trust in Christ to transform us into the image He has created us to portray.  Let us not hide behind high heels, sequins and lipstick, but let us see ourselves as Christ does, masterpeices just waiting to be revealed. 

Not Just For Me

So, yesterday, I ran 5 miles in 48 minutes!  PLEASE JUST KEEP READING BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!  That is a PR for me and it was absolutely fantastic!  I was somewhat surprised by the lack of enthusiasm by those that I told.  Somehow, I thought they should be as excited for me as I was .....  That gave me the idea that maybe it was time, once again to share why running has become so important to me.

I post all my workouts and runs through CardioTrainer to Facebook.  So, all my FB friends see the workouts I do each day.  I know that most of them, even if they happen to read it, simply scroll right past them.  Perhaps they even roll their eyes and think, "She ran again, big deal, who cares?!?!"  I can understand that, trust me, I do.  But, just let me tell you why I post those runs to Facebook, in hopes that they will not just scroll right past, but will at least stop to think next time they see one, and maybe even be inspired.....if not to run, at least inspired to do something that challenges them to live beyond the ordinary and step into the unknown....

I post my runs, walks and workouts to Facebook because running really has changed my life.  Running has pushed me way beyond comfortable. It is uncomfortable for me to put on form fitting clothes and run through town in front of people.  I decided a few years ago that I was tired of hiding behind 230 pounds of fear and excuses.  I chose to make a change and step out of my comfort zone, in hopes that it would inspire the teens  and young adults I have the privilege of knowing to do the same.  My Facebook friends have become my accountability partners.

Today, I ran my best time yet for 5 miles.  Five miles in 48 minutes, that's a 9:35 pace per mile, and it was the greatest feeling in the world (when I was done...)!  I want to tell you that if I can do it, so can you. If you are tired of making excuses and really want to make a change in your life, I'm here to say----YOU CAN DO IT!!!  It's gonna take hard work, sacrifice, determination, courage, and lots of discipline! 

Running has brought me closer to God and has not only made me stronger physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.  I am not out there chasing crowns made by human hands, but chasing a crown of righteousness.  It takes discipline to run 6, sometimes 7 days per week.  It takes discipline to read and study God's word, and pray everyday. Running has become a priority in my life, just as knowing more of God has become a priority in my life. 

Running has taught me many things.  Running has taught me there is a part of me that really wants to do the impossible and that I'm willing to try it, even if I fail.  Running has taught me how good it feels to reach a goal I once thought to be impossible. Running has taught me that there's something inside me that pushes me to keep going, even when it hurts.  Running has made me feel strong.  Running has taught me that no matter how many pounds I lose, only God can change my heart; no matter how I may look, only God can make me truly feel good about myself.  Running has taught me who I am, despite what smart mouth 20 year olds may say :) and despite what the world may say.  I know I am His, and I seek to serve Him in everything I do.  Knowing who I am and whose I am is a priceless treasure in itself, one that every young person seeking to serve and honor God will eventually be called to question.

So, be courageous, live fearlessly and make a change.  Start chasing your crown.

1 Corinthians 9:24
"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives teh prize?  Run in such a way that you may win."